Cassandra Webb (Dakota Johnson) works as a paramedic in NYC. One day, she develops superpowers that enable her to see into the future. She uses those powers to save the lives of three teenagers, Julia Cornwall (Sydney Sweeney), Anya Corazon (Isabela Merced), and Mattie Franklin (Celeste O’Connor), from the nefarious Ezekiel Sims (Tahar Rahim).

      The screenplay by writer/director and S.J. Clarkson and his co-writers, Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless and Claire Parker, is a superhero movie that's almost as dumb and exhausting as Argylle, but not quite. The plot begins with an expositional prologue set in 1973 before jumping forward to 2003 to introduce Cassandra Webb at work while she's driving her ambulance. She doesn't have her superpowers yet, but worry not---she'll get them within the next 10 minutes. It takes her too long to realize that she has them, though, so she and the audience aren't on the same page when she has her "Aha!" moment on a subway train. That's the least of the film's issues. The dialogue often sounds stilted with very poor exposition and over-explaining. Just having characters standing around in the middle of a forest to briefly talk about themselves is one among many examples of lazy exposition. Why not have them sit down to eat instead while they share details from their past? Moreover, some of the lines, particularly from Ezekiel, are unintentionally funny. The rules of Cassandra's superpowers, i.e. when she could use them, aren't very clear, although, for some reason, she can't use them whenever she wants to. Even with suspension of disbelief, Madame Web makes less and less logical sense as the plot progresses. Internal logic is thrown out the window with too many plot holes and undercooked subplots to count. Those flaws would've been forgivable if the film were to have compensated for it with some imagination or mindless, guilty pleasure instead. Unfortunately, it even fails to be imaginative enough. Madame Web is, indeed, mindless, but far from a pleasure.

      Dakota Johnson gives a decent performance that's undermined by the bland screenplay which doesn't manage to rise above. The same can be said for her co-stars who are wasted in underwritten, forgettable roles, especially the villain, Ezekiel. It's never a good sign when a superhero movie has a weak villain. This film is beneath Tahar Rahim who deserves better material. The choppy editing, uneven pacing and poorly choreographed action sequences don't help, either, with not a single scene that stands out in terms of visual spectacle. Perhaps it should've been animated instead. At just under 2 hours, Madame Web is a clunky, dull and unintentionally funny mess that's neither thrilling, fun nor exciting.